Im at strip club and am horny
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
