Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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