I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
