I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize