covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
