I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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