Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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