we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
