life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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