I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
