It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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