come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
