So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
