Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
