The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just invented taco cereal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
