any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
