Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
