I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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