T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
