Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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