he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
