Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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