dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
