Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
