I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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