i love accidental penises.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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