My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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