No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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