who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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