Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
