it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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