He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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