My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
