The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
