i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
