i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
