if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
