just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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