you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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