Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
