Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
