if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
