I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my poor anus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
