sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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