i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
