It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
