i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
