Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize