You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
