is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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