Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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