He asked to "fluff my boner.."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
