Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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