I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
