you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
