I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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