if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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