he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
