things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
