WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
