I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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