No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
