She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
