I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
