I got chris browned last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
