dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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