Say something about gay babies.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
