An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
